Was that supposed to happen?
by HarryGonePunk
Summary: Total Spoof Of the third movie, except it's loads funnier than all the others. Want to burn off calories in your abs by laughing? read this!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Obviosly I dont own anything, leave me alone, if your the FBI, I havn't done anything in two years!  
  
characters are jk's and I like eggs. I hope you like it, and remember, cheese is not for wearing!  
  
Beware of the penguins~ Terence*  
  
Scene:23 Snape, Sirius, Lupin, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, inside the Shrieking shack.  
  
  
  
Take One:   
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry: YOU'RE PATHETIC! You're stupid bastard who is a horrible actor, and you smell like fish sticks, you ho!  
  
Snape: *gasps* It's not my fault I'm an ass whole, It all started from my upbringing! *sobs*  
  
Sirius: Oh boy * shakes head*  
  
Alphonso: This isn't in the script. *shakes paper furiously*  
  
Hermione: cant you see he's having a nervous breakdown? Honestly, you act as if were working on the set of a box office movie that must be finished in less than a month!  
  
Ron: *scratches his head*  
  
Alphonso: Um....  
  
Harry: *raises his hand*  
  
Sirius: yes Harry?  
  
Harry: Can Ron go to the bathroom?  
  
Ron: What? I don't have to go to the bathroom! *Looks aghast at the thought*  
  
Harry: Oh, *pauses* Then can I go to the bathroom?  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take two:  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry: YOU"RE PATHETIC! JUST BECAUSE...  
  
Ron: *Raises his hand*  
  
Harry: what?  
  
Ron: Are fish tacos shaped like a fish?  
  
Hermione: *Sighs*  
  
Alphonso: No Ron, *looks at the boy consolingly*  
  
Sirius: Ha!  
  
All: What?  
  
Sirius: I've just realized!   
  
All: what?   
  
Sirius: The reason why my computer wasn't working!  
  
All: Why?  
  
Sirius: Because I got it mixed up with the television!  
  
Hermione: You just realized this now, after what? A month?  
  
Sirius: Well, I got to a channel that you could easily find on the Internet!  
  
Harry: * to Ron* Betcha ten bucks it was a porn channel.  
  
Ron: Your on! *looks excited*  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Three:  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry: YOU"RE PATHETIC!  
  
Snape: *jumps out the window*  
  
Harry: Was that supposed to Happen?  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Four: Starting with Lupin  
  
Lupin: You fool! Is a school boy grudge... ooooh cookies!  
  
All: Hey! Chocolate!  
  
Alphonso: Guys! * slaps himself on the head*  
  
Hermione: Excuse me? *looks scandalized*   
  
Harry: *snickers*  
  
Hermione: I am much more clever than these twits!   
  
Boys: Hey!  
  
Hermione: I am a women!  
  
Ron: *cookies in his mouth* Humiesahgurl?  
  
Hermione: What?  
  
Harry: You're a girl?  
  
Hermione: duh!  
  
Ron: whovefucaknowm?  
  
Alphonso: Please can we finish this scene?  
  
All: *looks confused*   
  
Sirius: Hey an ant!   
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Five:   
  
Lupin: *chokes and coughs*  
  
Harry: Hey he's dying!  
  
Snape: Remy? *looks worried* Remy?  
  
Sirius: Ha! Remy! *giggles*  
  
Lupin: *signals for water, as Snape pats his back*  
  
Alphonso: Is he okay?   
  
Harry: It's the cookies there poisoned!  
  
All: *Gasp drop on the floor*  
  
Alphonso: NO!!!!!  
  
A few minutes later  
  
Lupin: *actually choked on his own tongue*  
  
Ron: Hey, it wasn't the cookies!  
  
All: Hurray!   
  
Ron: Let's have some more!  
  
All: Yeah!  
  
Alphonso: *begins to protest*   
  
Harry: *Hits him over the head with an antelope*   
  
Me: Cut! *dodges swinging antelope*  
  
Take Six: Next day  
  
Me: Action! *does snap dramatically*   
  
Alphonso: As a reaction to my near fatal assassination with a flying antelope, I will be suing all of you!  
  
All: Okay, Whatever, fair enough.  
  
Hermione: Are we filming?  
  
Alphonso: Oh shit.  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Seven: Ron  
  
Me: Action! *fakes french accent, everyone stares*   
  
Ron: *crickets*  
  
All: *Wait*  
  
Ron: *Still nothing*  
  
Harry: RON!  
  
Ron: W-what? *looks alarmed that people are next to him*  
  
Harry: Were filming!  
  
Ron: *Blows bubble with saliva*  
  
Snape: *Huffs, and files his nails*  
  
Hermione: I cant work with these idiots! *walks off set*  
  
Ron: *snaps out of it* Can the all the all powerful goddess java queen, J.K. Rowling just kill her off?  
  
All: *Nod in agreement*  
  
Me: cut!  
  
Take Eight: totally random song and dance:  
  
Harry: I................Feel...... Pretty!*sways back and forth*  
  
Snape: Oh so pretty!  
  
Harry: I feel pretty and...  
  
Snape: witty and  
  
Harry: Wise!  
  
Together: *dances together* And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight! *does little twirl thing*  
  
Snape: LA LALALA LA LALALALA!  
  
Harry: I..........feel.....charming!*sways*  
  
Snape: Oh so charming!  
  
Harry: It's alarming,   
  
Snape: How charming, *sings opera*  
  
Harry: I feel!  
  
Snape: What a pretty face!  
  
Harry: what a pretty smile!  
  
Snape: What a pretty dress! *smooths down robes, looks pretty*  
  
Together: What a pretty me!!!!!!!  
  
Sirius: I cant take it anymore! *grabs the antelope and hits snape over the head*  
  
Snape: *Dramatically Faints*  
  
Harry: *runs off screaming with hands over his head*  
  
Me: Cut! *shakes head*  
  
Take nine:  
  
Lupin: You fool! Wait, what the front door?  
  
Man: *runs through set naked, laughing madly*  
  
Ron: Hey that's sexy!  
  
Hermione: ew! Yuck!  
  
Snape: He's right you know.   
  
Man: Muahahahaha!*actually Voldemort*  
  
All: *Gasps*   
  
Harry: It's my arch nemesis who I'm secretly in love with, BARBRA WALTERS! Ahhhh!  
  
Voldmeort: It is I! Lord Vodemort!  
  
Harry: Oh!  
  
All: *Gasps*  
  
Voldemort: Yes, Muahahahaha! Uh! *arrow hits him in the back*  
  
All: *turn*  
  
Legolas: Sorry, wrong set, *looks down* sorry mate, looks like an orc to me.  
  
Hermione: *blushes giggles*  
  
Snape: No way he's mine!   
  
Lupin: But sevy!  
  
Legolas: *leaves, Hermione accompanying him*  
  
Snape: What a fox!  
  
Lupin: You Bitch!  
  
Me: cut!  
  
Take ten:  
  
All: *sitting around, doing absolutely nothing, waiting for me to write some stupid take, and embarrass then beyond belief*  
  
Harry: Im bored, you just had to kill the director! *says to Voldie*  
  
Voldemort: He was cheating with my wife!  
  
Harry: But you don't have a wife!  
  
Voldemort: Exactly my point!  
  
All: *confused*  
  
Harry: Can you write something please!  
  
Me: I know, an interpretive dance contest!  
  
All: No!!!!  
  
Snape: That actually sound fun!  
  
Sirius: Weirdo! *hits him with a pan*  
  
Harry: Hey, maybe Dobby can give us a lap dance.  
  
Lupin: *whistles*   
  
Snape: No, house elves are always playing havoc with my draw strings, they'll only reject me in the end.  
  
Hermione: Yeah that's harsh.  
  
Snape: *blushes, giggles*  
  
Ron: Asleep *snorts loudly*  
  
Sirius: *tries desperately to find the back of his head*  
  
One Hour later  
  
Harry: Will you just write something! This is bullshit!  
  
Lupin: oink weee!!!  
  
Sirius: *moans*  
  
Snape: *ballroom dances with the wall*  
  
Alphonso: *murdered*  
  
Hermione: *throws a tennis ball at an unsuspecting Ron, who doesn't feel it*  
  
Harry: Make something happen! Anything!  
  
Me: Anything? *rubs hands together*  
  
*whole building collapses, snape dies, and cheese falls from the sky*  
  
*everyone shrieks, Hermione gets run over by a Budweiser truck*  
  
* Cast applauds*  
  
Me: Cut! Do over!  
  
All: *groan*  
  
Harry: I need a joint!  
  
Sirius: *gets hit in the head with a pan*  
  
Ron: Can I go to the bathroom now?  
  
Me: I said Cut! Freaks!  
  
END!!!  
  
(This is just an idea me and my friend Alix made up, hope you like.)  
  
Scene:23 Snape, Sirius, Lupin, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, inside the Shrieking shack.  
  
  
  
Take One:   
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry: YOU'RE PATHETIC! You're stupid bastard who is a horrible actor, and you smell like fish sticks, you ho!  
  
Snape: *gasps* It's not my fault I'm an ass whole, It all started from my upbringing! *sobs*  
  
Sirius: Oh boy * shakes head*  
  
Alphonso: This isn't in the script. *shakes paper furiously*  
  
Hermione: cant you see he's having a nervous breakdown? Honestly, you act as if were working on the set of a box office movie that must be finished in less than a month!  
  
Ron: *scratches his head*  
  
Alphonso: Um....  
  
Harry: *raises his hand*  
  
Sirius: yes Harry?  
  
Harry: Can Ron go to the bathroom?  
  
Ron: What? I don't have to go to the bathroom! *Looks aghast at the thought*  
  
Harry: Oh, *pauses* Then can I go to the bathroom?  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take two:  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry: YOU"RE PATHETIC! JUST BECAUSE...  
  
Ron: *Raises his hand*  
  
Harry: what?  
  
Ron: Are fish tacos shaped like a fish?  
  
Hermione: *Sighs*  
  
Alphonso: No Ron, *looks at the boy consolingly*  
  
Sirius: Ha!  
  
All: What?  
  
Sirius: I've just realized!   
  
All: what?   
  
Sirius: The reason why my computer wasn't working!  
  
All: Why?  
  
Sirius: Because I got it mixed up with the television!  
  
Hermione: You just realized this now, after what? A month?  
  
Sirius: Well, I got to a channel that you could easily find on the Internet!  
  
Harry: * to Ron* Betcha ten bucks it was a porn channel.  
  
Ron: Your on! *looks excited*  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Three:  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry: YOU"RE PATHETIC!  
  
Snape: *jumps out the window*  
  
Harry: Was that supposed to Happen?  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Four: Starting with Lupin  
  
Lupin: You fool! Is a school boy grudge... ooooh cookies!  
  
All: Hey! Chocolate!  
  
Alphonso: Guys! * slaps himself on the head*  
  
Hermione: Excuse me? *looks scandalized*   
  
Harry: *snickers*  
  
Hermione: I am much more clever than these twits!   
  
Boys: Hey!  
  
Hermione: I am a women!  
  
Ron: *cookies in his mouth* Humiesahgurl?  
  
Hermione: What?  
  
Harry: You're a girl?  
  
Hermione: duh!  
  
Ron: whovefucaknowm?  
  
Alphonso: Please can we finish this scene?  
  
All: *looks confused*   
  
Sirius: Hey an ant!   
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Five:   
  
Lupin: *chokes and coughs*  
  
Harry: Hey he's dying!  
  
Snape: Remy? *looks worried* Remy?  
  
Sirius: Ha! Remy! *giggles*  
  
Lupin: *signals for water, as Snape pats his back*  
  
Alphonso: Is he okay?   
  
Harry: It's the cookies there poisoned!  
  
All: *Gasp drop on the floor*  
  
Alphonso: NO!!!!!  
  
A few minutes later  
  
Lupin: *actually choked on his own tongue*  
  
Ron: Hey, it wasn't the cookies!  
  
All: Hurray!   
  
Ron: Let's have some more!  
  
All: Yeah!  
  
Alphonso: *begins to protest*   
  
Harry: *Hits him over the head with an antelope*   
  
Me: Cut! *dodges swinging antelope*  
  
Take Six: Next day  
  
Me: Action! *does snap dramatically*   
  
Alphonso: As a reaction to my near fatal assassination with a flying antelope, I will be suing all of you!  
  
All: Okay, Whatever, fair enough.  
  
Hermione: Are we filming?  
  
Alphonso: Oh shit.  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take Seven: Ron  
  
Me: Action! *fakes french accent, everyone stares*   
  
Ron: *crickets*  
  
All: *Wait*  
  
Ron: *Still nothing*  
  
Harry: RON!  
  
Ron: W-what? *looks alarmed that people are next to him*  
  
Harry: Were filming!  
  
Ron: *Blows bubble with saliva*  
  
Snape: *Huffs, and files his nails*  
  
Hermione: I cant work with these idiots! *walks off set*  
  
Ron: *snaps out of it* Can the all the all powerful goddess java queen, J.K. Rowling just kill her off?  
  
All: *Nod in agreement*  
  
Me: cut!  
  
Take Eight: totally random song and dance:  
  
Harry: I................Feel...... Pretty!*sways back and forth*  
  
Snape: Oh so pretty!  
  
Harry: I feel pretty and...  
  
Snape: witty and  
  
Harry: Wise!  
  
Together: *dances together* And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight! *does little twirl thing*  
  
Snape: LA LALALA LA LALALALA!  
  
Harry: I..........feel.....charming!*sways*  
  
Snape: Oh so charming!  
  
Harry: It's alarming,   
  
Snape: How charming, *sings opera*  
  
Harry: I feel!  
  
Snape: What a pretty face!  
  
Harry: what a pretty smile!  
  
Snape: What a pretty dress! *smooths down robes, looks pretty*  
  
Together: What a pretty me!!!!!!!  
  
Sirius: I cant take it anymore! *grabs the antelope and hits snape over the head*  
  
Snape: *Dramatically Faints*  
  
Harry: *runs off screaming with hands over his head*  
  
Me: Cut! *shakes head*  
  
Take nine:  
  
Lupin: You fool! Wait, what the front door?  
  
Man: *runs through set naked, laughing madly*  
  
Ron: Hey that's sexy!  
  
Hermione: ew! Yuck!  
  
Snape: He's right you know.   
  
Man: Muahahahaha!*actually Voldemort*  
  
All: *Gasps*   
  
Harry: It's my arch nemesis who I'm secretly in love with, BARBRA WALTERS! Ahhhh!  
  
Voldmeort: It is I! Lord Vodemort!  
  
Harry: Oh!  
  
All: *Gasps*  
  
Voldemort: Yes, Muahahahaha! Uh! *arrow hits him in the back*  
  
All: *turn*  
  
Legolas: Sorry, wrong set, *looks down* sorry mate, looks like an orc to me.  
  
Hermione: *blushes giggles*  
  
Snape: No way he's mine!   
  
Lupin: But sevy!  
  
Legolas: *leaves, Hermione accompanying him*  
  
Snape: What a fox!  
  
Lupin: You Bitch!  
  
Me: cut!  
  
Take ten:  
  
All: *sitting around, doing absolutely nothing, waiting for me to write some stupid take, and embarrass then beyond belief*  
  
Harry: Im bored, you just had to kill the director! *says to Voldie*  
  
Voldemort: He was cheating with my wife!  
  
Harry: But you don't have a wife!  
  
Voldemort: Exactly my point!  
  
All: *confused*  
  
Harry: Can you write something please!  
  
Me: I know, an interpretive dance contest!  
  
All: No!!!!  
  
Snape: That actually sound fun!  
  
Sirius: Weirdo! *hits him with a pan*  
  
Harry: Hey, maybe Dobby can give us a lap dance.  
  
Lupin: *whistles*   
  
Snape: No, house elves are always playing havoc with my draw strings, they'll only reject me in the end.  
  
Hermione: Yeah that's harsh.  
  
Snape: *blushes, giggles*  
  
Ron: Asleep *snorts loudly*  
  
Sirius: *tries desperately to find the back of his head*  
  
One Hour later  
  
Harry: Will you just write something! This is bullshit!  
  
Lupin: oink weee!!!  
  
Sirius: *moans*  
  
Snape: *ballroom dances with the wall*  
  
Alphonso: *murdered*  
  
Hermione: *throws a tennis ball at an unsuspecting Ron, who doesn't feel it*  
  
Harry: Make something happen! Anything!  
  
Me: Anything? *rubs hands together*  
  
*whole building collapses, snape dies, and cheese falls from the sky*  
  
*everyone shrieks, Hermione gets run over by a Budweiser truck*  
  
* Cast applauds*  
  
Me: Cut! Do over!  
  
All: *groan*  
  
Harry: I need a joint!  
  
Sirius: *gets hit in the head with a pan*  
  
Ron: Can I go to the bathroom now?  
  
Me: I said Cut! Freaks!  
  
END!!!  
  
(Hope you liked it! REVIEW REVIEW! I love you all! *snorts*) 


	2. Ha Ha Ha

Disclaimer: No I dont Own anything you stupid apricots, It belongs to J.k Rowling. Now, on with the show, another chapter for all you yard apes. Hope you like!  
  
Scene: 12 On the train  
  
Take One  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Hermione: He's Professor R.J. Lupinal, Lipin, lulapin, lipinal,lupewhole, wait, whats his name?  
  
Harry: I know! It's Lupin!  
  
Ron: Lupin? Whos Lupin?  
  
Hermione: Our new teacher.  
  
Harry: For what?  
  
Ron: teacher? Oh! For school!  
  
Hermione: Defence against the Dark Arts!  
  
Ron: Oh  
  
Hermione: *rolls eyes*  
  
Ron: *raises his hand* Um...but I thought we were going to Hogwarts?  
  
Harry: We are!  
  
Ron: But you just said it was dark arts! *looks suspicious*  
  
Harry: Did not!  
  
Ron: did too!  
  
Harry: Did not!  
  
Ron: Did too!  
  
Harry: Did not!  
  
Ron: did too!  
  
Harry: Did not!  
  
Ron: Did too!  
  
Harry: Did too!  
  
Ron: Did not!  
  
Harry: HA HA HA!  
  
Hermione: Loser  
  
Me: cut!  
  
Take two:  
  
Me: action!  
  
Hermione: He's Proffesor...wait, did you just spell Professor wrong?  
  
Me: well, what do you expect?  
  
Hermione: dont you have spell check?  
  
Me: I have a peanut! Would that make you shut up?  
  
Lupin: If you dont mind I'm trying to pretend that I'm asleep here!  
  
Harry: *faints and falls on the ground*  
  
Alphonso: Not yet Harry!  
  
Ron: Hey, can I have a peanut?  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take three:  
  
Harry: He's Professor R.J. Lupin,  
  
Hermione: thats not your part!  
  
Harry: Well you kept getting it wrong so I thought I'd take over.  
  
Ron: *walks into the door*  
  
Lupin: *snors loudly*  
  
Harry: Did he really fall asleep?  
  
All: *look over*  
  
Ron: lets be random and put a foghorn to his ear!  
  
Harry: Yeah!  
  
Hermione: I dont know, in future reference I'd like to point out that he is a werewolf, and by waking him up in such a manner might cause him to attack and possibly bight you, making you a werewolf and dooming you to a cursed life of harsh transformations and scruitany from the general public.   
  
All: *awkward silence*  
  
Hermione: But of course you waking him up with a foghorn would be incredubly humorous and you getting bitten would be the high-light of my life, so by all means wake him up for my sanity and yours.   
  
Ron: *scratches his head*  
  
Harry: STOP YELLING AT ME! *runs away*  
  
Lupin: Just to let you know, I heard everything you just said.  
  
Hermione: PLEASE DONT EAT ME! *runs away*  
  
Ron: can I have a peanut?  
  
Me: Cut! No You moron! *Ron, looks sad*  
  
Take four  
  
Me: action!  
  
Hermione: He's Professor R.J. Lupin  
  
Ron: How did you know that?  
  
Hermione: Didnt you read the script?  
  
Ron: that is in the script!  
  
Harry: *falls*  
  
Alphonso: Still not yet Harry.  
  
Me: cut!  
  
Take five:  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Hermione: He's Professor R.J. Lupin, Wait, why would the letters on his suit case be peeling when he's only been a professor till now?  
  
Ron: Because the dramatic irony and foreshadowing in this story isn't incomplete without a few mistakes or tantalizing hints.  
  
Harry: Yes, and also Rowling does love to add a few tricks and swerves just so she can be evil and keep us guessing.  
  
Ron: Her idea of fun is telling you things you'd wished you'd remembered and guessed in the end,  
  
Harry: so you pull your hair out and die from frustration.  
  
Ron: But still J.K. is the all powerful goddess of the world and should be praised,  
  
Harry: *bows* All hail the drama queen!  
  
All: *bows* All hail J.K. Rowling!  
  
Hermione: I refuse to bow down to someone who took three years to make a book that was...  
  
Harry: simply brilliant,  
  
Ron: suspenseful,  
  
Lupin: *wakes up* splendid *falls back asleep*  
  
Hermione: Horibble *loudly*  
  
Harry: *gasps* Never!  
  
Hermione: It was all about hormonal teenagers,  
  
Ron: *gasps* No!  
  
Hermione: same stupid plot,  
  
Lupin: *gasps* *and then gasps again*  
  
Hermione: you were a prick, *points at Harry*  
  
Harry: well I never!  
  
Hermione: you were never around * points at Lupin*  
  
Lupin: *snores loudly*  
  
Hermione: and you were as stupid as allways, *pointing at Ron* Not noticing that the reason we fight so much is because were madly in love.   
  
Ron: Nah Uh!  
  
Harry: she's right though,  
  
Hermione: *nods*  
  
Ron: well thanks for telling me!  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take six:   
  
starting with the lights going out  
  
Me: action!  
  
Ron: what's going on?  
  
Neville: I'm afraid of the dark!  
  
Harry: Me too! *squeaks*  
  
Neville: Hey if I close my eyes it doesn't seem so dark.  
  
Harry: this isn't just regular darkness,  
  
Ron: It's advanced darkness!  
  
All: *cower*  
  
Alphonso: please people!  
  
Ron: Nick nack patty wack, give a dog a bone!  
  
Harry: oh oh! Disco buiscuit!  
  
Hermione: what?  
  
Neville: cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war!  
  
All:* awkward silence*  
  
Alphonso: You know, theres no telling what you guys would do if Hogwarts had a power outage,   
  
Hermione: Honestly, Am I the only person who's read Hogwarts a History?  
  
Me: *sighs* Cut!  
  
Take seven: Rap musical:  
  
Me: action!  
  
Ron: Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have,  
  
Harry: I been protested and demenstrated against,  
  
Ron: picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times,  
  
Harry: sick as the mind of these mother f**** keep this behind.  
  
Ron: All this commotion, emotion, give them hell long I'm livin,  
  
Harry: Kickin ass in the mornin' take names in the evening.  
  
Hermione: sing something else!  
  
All: *Silent*  
  
Neville: Oh say can you see! By the dawns early light!   
  
Hermione: Wrong country Neville!  
  
Neville: oh yeah,   
  
All: *silent*  
  
Neville: Oh Britiania! Britiania rules the waves!  
  
Harry: Oh I've got it! *ron looks excited as Harry whispers in his ear*  
  
All: *silence*  
  
Harry: The sun will come out! *whispers* tomorrow!  
  
Ron: Bet your bottom dollar that tomarrow!  
  
Harry: they'll be sun!  
  
Hermione: Oh god!  
  
Me: cut! 


	3. Riddikulus!

Disclaimer: No! I DONT OWN HARRY POTTER! Stop yelling at me! *throws eggs*  
  
Okay, all you grand old flags! Also, the following is also from, Shakespeares: Othello,  
  
King Lear, Romeo and Juiliet, and Julius Ceaser. Heres another chapter for your calorie burning abbs!  
  
All:Hurray!  
  
Take one: Starting with Parvarti  
  
Me: action!  
  
Parvarti: Riddikulus!  
  
Seamus: Ha Ha Ha! Riddikulus!  
  
Ron: that's hilarious really,  
  
Hermione: you think everythings hilarious.  
  
Ron: know me that well do you?  
  
Hermione: You don't know that I sneak into the boy's dormitory to watch you undress. *claps a hand over her mouth*  
  
Ron: You do!  
  
Hermione: I shoudn't have said that. um.. it's actually Ginny who does that!  
  
Ginny: Nah uh! I only like to see Harry with his clothes on!  
  
Lupin: what are you doing here?  
  
Ginny: thought I'd watch Harry some more.  
  
Lupin: fair enough. *shakes head*  
  
Me:Cut!  
  
Take two:  
  
Me: Action! *falls over*  
  
Parvarti: Riddikulus!  
  
Me: was not! that hurt!  
  
Hermione: Shutup!  
  
Ron: Hey seamus,  
  
Seamus: what?  
  
Ron: Riddikulus!  
  
Seamus: *laughs uncontrolably*  
  
Lupin: Class, class! *try's to call order*  
  
Harry: woop woop!  
  
All: *Get's louder*  
  
Harry: *whistles*  
  
All: *even louder*  
  
Harry: I'm actually a woman!  
  
All: *awkward silence*  
  
Lupin: Now that's riddikulus!  
  
Seamus: Riddikulus! *ha ha* oh, how funny,  
  
Hermione: Get a grip!  
  
seamus: I've almost peed in my nickers,  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Take three:  
  
Parvarti: Riddikulus!  
  
Boggart: *grrr..mummy!*  
  
Neville: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
  
Lupin: You already went Neville!  
  
Neville: I swear, Ron just bit me!  
  
Lupin: Don't be Riddikulus!  
  
Seamus: *howls with laughter*  
  
Neville: No really! He bit me! I'm bleeding!  
  
Ron: *growls, looks around madly with Nevilles sleeve torn in his mouth*  
  
Harry: *looks side ways at Ron, jumps away*  
  
Ron: grrr...  
  
Harry: ahhhh! Werewolf!  
  
Lupin: *stops in his tracks* Now, what's wrong with werewolves?  
  
Ron: *roars*  
  
Neville: He bit me!  
  
Hermione: well, they are technically extremelly dangerous, and when they bite  
  
it just so happens you get cursed for life. So damn those werewolves, filthy half-breeds.  
  
All: *silence*  
  
Lupin: I can't believe you said that! You know perfectly well I'm a werewolf!  
  
All: Oh my gosh! runnaway!  
  
Ron: He's got a gun!  
  
Lupin: No I don't!  
  
Harry: Ahhhh!  
  
Neville: ahhhh! what's a gun?!  
  
Ron: *growls*  
  
Neville: He bit me again!  
  
Me: Cut! *growls*  
  
Take four:  
  
Parvarti: Riddikulus, hey, you forgot to say action!  
  
Me: *asleep*  
  
Harry: *pokes*  
  
Me: *mummbles,nuke the Penguins*  
  
Seamus: Haha, Penguins!  
  
Me: *shoots straight up* where?  
  
Hermione: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!  
  
Me: Hey, I thought we were supposed to be satanistic anti-christs?  
  
Harry: yeah! I'm supposed to be evil!  
  
Ron: and they burned our nooks!  
  
Hermione: you mean books, *rolls eyes*  
  
Ron: well that too.  
  
Harry: I was supposed to be a bad influence!  
  
Hermione: Don't worry Harry, nothings changed.  
  
Harry: *sobs* Yes it has! I was supposed to be the bad mother of this society  
  
next your gonna say my fame in increasing!  
  
Hermione: you mean decreasing,  
  
Harry: See you admit it! It's all over! My whole career!  
  
Ron: *does that really funny face that he does in the movies*  
  
Harry: Oh woe! And I bet you the next thing your going to tell me is that   
  
Sid Viscious is dead?!  
  
Hermione: Um.. Harry he is.  
  
Harry: *stops* My love!   
  
Ron: mmm, vicious! *growls*  
  
Neville: Who's that?  
  
Harry: *cry's more* Oh woe is me! My Sex Pistols god has been vanquished!  
  
Parvarti: ooooooo Sex! *gets that really girly giggly look*  
  
Neville: He bit me again!  
  
Hermione: Ron!  
  
Ron: *growls*  
  
Neville: Not Ron! Seamus!  
  
Hermione: Seamus!  
  
Seamus: Sorry, what can I say, I'm horny!  
  
Me: *looks disgusted, and sincerely opologizes for my cuz who wrote this line!*  
  
Cut!  
  
Take Four: Shakespeare competition  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Parvarti: Riddikulus!  
  
Snape: *walks in wearing a leotard* To be or not to be!  
  
Harry: That is the question! *look at each other*  
  
Snape: Romeo oh Romeo!  
  
Harry: where art thou Romeo!  
  
Snape: Cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war!  
  
Harry: That we shall die now, by the time! *glares at eachother*  
  
Snape: That sir, what serves and seeks for gain,  
  
Harry: And follows but for form,  
  
Snape: Will pack, when it begins to rain,  
  
Harry: And leave the in the storm,  
  
Snape: But I will tarry; the fool will stay,  
  
Harry: And let the wise man fly.  
  
Snape: The knave turns fool that runs away,  
  
Harry: The fool no Knave, perdy. *glares*  
  
Harry: Twill out! mangy whore... *Ron bites his head off*  
  
Hermione: thankyou Ron  
  
Snape: Prick him down! *screams like a girl and runs*  
  
Me: In the words of nkittyhawk, holy cheese munchies!Cut!  
  
Take Five:  
  
Me: action!  
  
Parvarit: Riddikulus *says in a bored voice*  
  
Alphonso: Damn pissy ass teenagers can't do anything right,  
  
Neville: It's the hormones.  
  
Hermione: well at least Ron's stopped eating people,  
  
Harry: No, now he's eating himself. *retached head, kinda like that chick from Nightmare before Christmas,*  
  
Ron: *chews fingers*  
  
Lupin: Ron, you better stop eating yourself or you wont have room for lunch,  
  
Ron: grr..  
  
Hermione: I'd not insult him Professor, His kind tend to be violent.  
  
Lupin: Oh you mean werewolves!  
  
Hermione: I said no such thing!  
  
Lupin: Well, you should get to know Ron before you judge him! *sits on Rons lap*  
  
Hermione: A pictures worth a thousand words!  
  
Harry: *mumbles* that's only because you don't know a thousand words Hermione  
  
All: ooooooo!  
  
Harry: word to ya motha!  
  
Me: Oh shut up! Cut!  
  
The following reviews Are for the reviewers, because they reviewed, the story, with   
  
reviews, reviewing my review of the stories review, that is reviewed by the revierer,  
  
who reviewed, yah whatever...  
  
nkittyhawk: glad you like it! Total randomnesslesslyness, yah, thanks for   
  
reviewing, tell me your even more pointless story, so we can compare pointless stories  
  
that are pointless! you get the idea..  
  
OceanGoddessOfMirkwood:Nice name! Thanks for reviewing, oh and did you know that the name  
  
Julia actually means ocean goddess! Random trivia Rocks!  
  
citcat299: keep reviewing, and may all the happy llamas be with you!  
  
Sincerely, thanks!  
  
Dimgwrthien, Lady of shadow: Once again, nice name, you guys are so imaginitive!  
  
Thanks for reviewing, and remember, cheese is not for wearing!  
  
And last but certainly not least, my beta, Celebony: hello! Wonderful to here  
  
from you! Hope the sky is raining rainbows and the sun is burning with white  
  
hot intensity! I mean geez! If I met the Devil I'd ask him why it's so dang hot in California!  
  
Anyway, talk to you soon!  
  
All you reviewers, review again, so I may review you about reviewing me, and   
  
review them reviewing cheese, eggs, oh dear, just review!  
  
Oh and everybody click on author, and go to favorites, and read celebony's brilliant story.  
  
Por favor,  
  
and Gracias,  
  
New chapter soon... 


	4. Great Scott! Flying Turds!

Disclaimer: No Dont own anything. I wish. I wish I did, then I could get a computer of my own, and a pet penguin, and a zoo, and one of those snappy things that are really annoying.   
  
Take one:  
  
Me: action!  
  
Harry: halabaloo!  
  
Ron: Discobuiscuit!  
  
Parvarti: Holy mother of cheese nips!  
  
Lupin: detachable penis!  
  
Hermione: Shut your pie whole wang chung!  
  
Harry: That's magical man!  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Hope you like! I don't think I'll make the chapters quite this long anymore.  
  
*cough, cough*   
  
Props for alpacas!  
  
all: Yeah! 


	5. Author note

Author note:  
  
Awfully sorry, thought that chapter would be a little amusing, wasn't a huge hit,  
  
anyway, next one will be soon and much much longer and much much more random.  
  
Get ready for some great explicit humor my friends!  
  
Hope all is well with you peeps,  
  
I partially made the chapter short because I didn't get any reviews,  
  
but since I'm new at this, I've just got to know the right time to post.  
  
Happy Halloween! And I'm sure all the true HP fans dressed up toward the Hp books right?  
  
See you later my beautiful apricots!  
  
special sorry: to nkittyhawk, I'm soo sorry! I didn't know you would take it like that!  
  
I thought maybe you would see the joke, quote "my chapters won't be nearly as long, cough cough"  
  
Im sorry any how and will make it up to you!  
  
Keep reviewing!  
  
SNEEK PREVIEW OF NEXT CHAPTER:  
  
Dumbledore: Great Scott! It's A Bird!   
  
Lupin: No! It's a plane!  
  
Hermione: NO! It's Harry falling fifty feet in a rushing torrent of death!  
  
Dumbledore: And that concerns me how?  
  
YOU MUST READ NEXT CHAPTER! FOR THE LLAMAS!  
  
~*~*~*~*~ 


	6. Haha, yeah, that's a good one

Disclaimer: Does it sound like I own billions of dollars? Because if I did, I'd say is precise   
  
wording, " Ha ha, you suck, I own billions of dollars and you own nothing, Ha, soon I shall  
  
rule you all, Ha ha." seriously, it's all J.k.'s.....And Pooper it's been forever!! But   
  
I'm having a hell of a time at school! You know when your teacher singles you out and   
  
plans to destroy your life by failing you. Yeah, they suck big time. I apologize for   
  
the delayed chapter, but this one...my best work.Instead of one chapter, you get two and   
  
three quarters of random hilarious stuff!Well, not specifically two and three quarters   
  
seeing as I don't know how to measure....  
  
scene seventeen:  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Dumbledore: Great Scott! It's A Bird!   
  
Lupin: No! It's a plane!  
  
Hermione: NO! It's Harry falling fifty feet in a rushing torrent of death!  
  
Dumbledore: And that concerns me how?  
  
Lupin: Um..Professor I think we might need Potter.  
  
Dumbledore: what ever for? *raises eyebrows*  
  
Hermione: The prophecy remember?  
  
Dumbledore: Ah yes, wait, the what?  
  
Lupin: the prophecy about how Potter is the only one to defeat the Dark Lord?  
  
Hermione: Crackhead..*mumbles*  
  
Dumbledore: I don't follow, young savage.  
  
Lupin: *looks flustered*  
  
Hermione: Look, the prophecy says Harry must either die or kill at the hands of Vodemort.  
  
Dumbledore: How frightful!  
  
Lupin: *looks scared*  
  
Hermione: so obviously we need him to fulfill it!  
  
Dumbledore: Fulfill what?  
  
Lupin and Hermione: the prophecy! *together*  
  
Harry: *clunk**dead*  
  
Dumbledore: Great scott! Harry's dead!  
  
Hermione: No shit sherlock...  
  
Dumbledore: *turns to them both* I'd have expected better of you two!   
  
You know we needed him for the prophecy!   
  
Alphonso: All these mess-up scripts are starting to be really amusing...  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
scene twenty-four: In the Hall, chit chat...because Alphonso needs it for the behind   
  
the scenes DVD bonus feature disc.  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry: hahaha, yeah that's a good one.*talks like a surfer*  
  
Ron: haha, yeah, what about BOOBS?!  
  
Harry: hahaha, that's a good one.  
  
Ron: haha, yeah, what about SNORKEL?  
  
Harry: hahaha, that's a good one.  
  
Ron: haha, yeah, what about ALFREDO?  
  
Harry: hahaha, that's a good one.  
  
Ron: haha, yeah, what about APPLES?  
  
Harry: haha..wait what? that's not funny.  
  
Ron: oh. You got a word? *turns to Hermione*  
  
Hermione: How about SHUTUP! *awkward silence*  
  
Harry: haha, that's a good one.  
  
Ron: haha, yeah, what about.. *Hermione interupts*  
  
Hermione: Honestly, you guys need to shutup.  
  
Harry: But these are all really funny words Hermione!  
  
Ron: Hey Harry? *looks excited*  
  
Harry: chia?  
  
Ron: I got an idea man,  
  
Harry: No way!  
  
Both: Chia!  
  
Hermione: *writes in notebook* Day 30: More funny words, but Ron seems to have stumbled   
  
upon the little inteligence he has in his peanut sized brain...  
  
Ron: We make a farm...and it has sheep and llamas, and we breed them, and like make a   
  
new creature. We can like call them Llameeps!  
  
Harry: whoa, Ron...your genius showing!  
  
Ron: *blushes and covers himself*  
  
Hermione: *writes again* Nevermind....  
  
Me: Cut!   
  
scene thirteen: the scene where Sirius gets into the castle...hehehe..  
  
Me: action!  
  
Percy: Somebody go get Professor Dumbledore, quick..  
  
Harry: *runs away*  
  
All: *groan*  
  
Harry: Was I not supposed to go?  
  
Percy: yes Harry, by all means leave our sight and never come back. We all hate you.  
  
Harry: Oh my GOD! *starts crying* I've been living with false accusations!!! *sobs*  
  
Ginny: *goes up to Percy and slaps him*   
  
Percy: *gasps dramatically* how dare you!  
  
Ginny: It is I! Sirius Black!  
  
Harry: ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron: ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!  
  
All: ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dumbledore: SILENCE FOOL!  
  
All: *silence*   
  
Dumbledore: Off to the gallows!!!  
  
Dementors: *swish swish, swish swish*  
  
Ginny: I was just kidding! April Fool!  
  
Percy: It's not April!!  
  
Harry: Yeah! It's March Baffoon! *quiets*  
  
Hermione: Maybe you should just stop talking, it's to much work for you.  
  
Harry: Quite right! ouch it hurts! *clutches brain*  
  
Ron: haha, yeah, what about....  
  
Me: RON! geez! CUT!  
  
Take two: again...  
  
Me: MAZDA! I mean..Action! *looks around cautiously*  
  
Percy: Somebody go get Professor Dumbledore, quick..  
  
All: *wait*  
  
Person: I can't find him!  
  
Percy: well heaven forbid he dropped dead somewhere!  
  
Flash scene: *Dumbledore at the foot of a stair case dead*  
  
Percy: What a horribly not realistic flash scene!  
  
Dumbledore: I am alive! *gets up*  
  
All: auh! Percy! *look mad*  
  
Harry: But what about Black?  
  
All: *look around*  
  
Sirius: *eating at the snack bar on the side of the set*  
  
What? *coleslaw falls out of his mouth*  
  
Ron: mmmm, beer. *drools*  
  
Me: Where?!?! *turns*  
  
Harry: That's all you need!  
  
Alphonso: Are we ever going to get this done?!  
  
Hermione: Obviously not..  
  
Lupin: I feel a change coming on..*starts shaking*  
  
Ron: *snaps out of it* Puberty?  
  
Hermione:*slaps Ron*  
  
Ron: *dramatically faints*  
  
All: He's changing! Oh my god! Run away!*all run*  
  
Lupin: arrrrrrooooo!!!! *howls*  
  
Ron: loo loo loo!   
  
Harry: ahhh!  
  
Lupin: arrrrooooo!!!  
  
Ron: loo loo loo!  
  
Harry: ahhh!  
  
Lupin: arrrrooo!!  
  
Ron: loo loo loo!  
  
Harry: ahhh!  
  
Lupin: arrrroooo!!!  
  
Ron: loo loo loo!  
  
Harry: ahhh!  
  
Lupin: arrroooo!!!  
  
Ron: loo loo loo!  
  
Harry: ahhh!  
  
Ron: looo, loooo, leee looo, looo!   
  
All: *look at him*  
  
Ron: loooooo! leee looo! loo loo looooooo!!  
  
Lupin: *stops and stares*  
  
Ron: loooo, loooo leeee a looo oooo looo ooo leee! ooo!  
  
Harry: *tilts head in confusion* * then starts to say something*  
  
Ron: *cuts him off* loooooo!! leee! loooo! laaa! looo looooooo!!!!!  
  
Hermione: RON!! SHUTUP!!!  
  
Ron: *looks affended*   
  
Hermione: *breaths heavily*  
  
All: *awkward silence*  
  
Ron: llama!  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Scene: palnning the Hogwarts house point talent show...oh boy...  
  
Me:Action!!!  
  
Harry: Oh look, A Hogwarts talent show. *reads off script*  
  
Ron: wow, how ve-ry inter-esting.  
  
Harry: yes.  
  
Hermione: what shall we ev-er do?  
  
Dean: I know, how about a nifty music-al.  
  
All: Golly-gee-wilikers what great fun.  
  
Scene: The Hogwarts house point talent show..  
  
Me: Action!  
  
Harry, Dean, Ron, and Seamus, sing: Is this the real life? Is this  
  
just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, noooo escape from reality...  
  
Open your eyes, look up to the sky's and seeee...  
  
Hogwarts audience: *snigger*  
  
Harry solo: I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy, (ooo poor boy)  
  
All four: because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low.  
  
Hit me where the wind blows! Doesn't really matter to me,  
  
Harry: To me....  
  
Lavender: *plays piano* *really really really dramatic music*  
  
Harry: Mommma.... just killed a man, put a gun against his head,  
  
pulled my trigger now he's dead.  
  
Momma, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all   
  
away!  
  
MOMMA!!! ooooo!  
  
Didn't mean to make you cry if I'm not back again this time tomorrow!  
  
Carry on, carry on! As if nothing really matters...  
  
Lavender: *piano*  
  
Harry: Too late, my time has come,  
  
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time.  
  
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,  
  
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.  
  
Mamma,oooooo! I don't want to die,  
  
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.  
  
Ron: *solo guitar* *Again, really really really dramatic*  
  
Lavender: *funny Piano tapping* *music slows*  
  
Harry: *Funny opera voice* I see a little silhouetto of a man,  
  
All: Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango!  
  
Whole Gryffindor chorus:Thunderbolt and lightning, very,   
  
very fright'ning me!  
  
(Nevile) and Dean opera solos: (Galileo.) Galileo. (Galileo.)   
  
Galileo, Galileo figaro!  
  
Magnifico!  
  
Harry: I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me.  
  
Chorus: He's just a poor boy from a poor family,  
  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.  
  
Harry: *looks around cautiously*  
  
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? *deatheaters   
  
(coughstudentscough)come out and grab him*  
  
Deatheaters: Bismillah! No, we will not let you go!  
  
Chorus:(Let him go!)  
  
Deatheaters:Bismillah! We will not let you go.*Harry Dean,Ron and Seamus  
  
sneak away..*  
  
Chorus: (Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go.  
  
All:(Let me go.) Will not let you go.  
  
All:(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah.  
  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!  
  
(Neville) and Dean:(Oh mama mia, mama mia.) Mama mia, let me go!  
  
All:Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!  
  
*all march toward the front of the stage* *people laugh* *really dramatic*  
  
Neville: *high pitched voice* FOR ME!!!!!  
  
*Music speeds up to ROCK*  
  
(Harry singing, dean drums, Ron guitar, Seamus bass.)  
  
Harry: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye!  
  
So you think you can love me and leave me to die!  
  
Ooooo, baby, can't do this to me, baby,  
  
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.  
  
All: *Jumping about on the stage*  
  
*gets even, even more dramatic* ooo yeah! oo yeah! *hand gestures*  
  
*Music slows down...*  
  
Harry: *sad funny voice* Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,  
  
Nothing really matters,  
  
Nothing really matters to me.....  
  
Any way the wind blows.  
  
Me: Cut!!! Yeah! *looks at the audience for support*  
  
Audience: *gets ready to throw tomatoes*  
  
Me: Now guys! Don't be mean to them! *gets hit with tomatoes*  
  
Me: Didn't see that coming....  
  
Cut!!  
  
That's a rap...To my reviewers, I love you! Voice in head *so why   
  
don't you marry it?!* damn voices! Anyway, I love you so very very much,  
  
but I need your opinion, should I make a whole different story,   
  
spoofing the fifth book, or just make it a "part two" on the same one?  
  
What do you think???  
  
Oh, and if you'd like to know, that song was called *Bohemian Rhapsody*  
  
and it's by QUEEN. For those of you who don't know whom Queen are,  
  
shame on you! They sing the, " We are the Champions!" song,  
  
*starts singing* *then cringes*  
  
I better just shutup...  
  
Hope you liked! REVIEW!! 


	7. HOLY TOLEDO!

Disclaimer: Sorry Everyone! I've been dead busy and things have been a little hard around my house! But, that's really no excuse, so, I shall now update with a half assed chapter that has ramblings, cars, pencils, Ralphs grocery store strikers, and a very, very, VERY, crazy Snape.   
  
Scene 15:  
  
Take one:   
  
Me: Action!   
  
Harry: My dad didn't strut!   
  
Snape: *smirks*   
  
Harry: And neither do I!  
  
Snape: *stops smirking* Wait. What's a strut?  
  
All: *groan*  
  
Ron: *raises his hand*   
  
Harry: *looks hungry*  
  
Snape: Yes Ronald?   
  
Lupin: *whistles*  
  
Ron: I'll show you! *gets up*  
  
Harry: *snorts*  
  
Ron: *walks like an Egyptian*  
  
Harry: *eats Lupin's shirt*  
  
Hermione: NO! It's not like that! *gets up*  
  
Lupin: *swats Harry in the head*  
  
Hermione: *walks like a super model*  
  
Alphonso: Hey! If there's anyone in this room that should know about strutting and sexual contact, it's me! *gets up*  
  
Harry: *goes for Lupin's pant leg*  
  
Alphonso: *walks with his head held high and winks.*  
  
Lupin: *swats Harry again and growls.*  
  
Snape: Im so lost, won't someone know how to strut?! *covers face dramatically*  
  
Voice: I know how to strut!!   
  
All: *looks at the mysterious person in the shadows*  
  
Mysterious person: Shall I try?  
  
Ron: Are you ego-theistical, monomaniacal, arrogant, and so completely sure of your self that you could jump off a fifty foot building and know that you will in fact survive because of your amazing powerfulness and extreme element control?   
  
Mysterious voice: um..no?  
  
Ron: You are the weakest link, goodbye!  
  
Harry: *stops gnawing on Lupin's leg* Ron, *pauses* Shut the fuck up!  
  
Ron: Oh yah! Your mom!  
  
Harry: No your mom!  
  
Ron: Oh yah! Your momma was so fat, she heard it was chilli outside and she went and got a bowl.  
  
All: ooooo!  
  
Snape: that's sooo original.   
  
Harry: yah, and besides, my mom was Irish.  
  
Ron: Then maybe I should be making "Your momma was so drunk jokes*  
  
Snape:*drums* bu du ba!  
  
Harry: Oh now you starting' it! *gets up*   
  
Ron: Bring it on! *goes closer*  
  
Harry: Oh I've broughten it! *moves head*  
  
Ron: So bring it already! *raises fists.*  
  
Harry: consider it broughten! *moves toward them*  
  
Snape: *gasps*  
  
All: *gasp*  
  
Harry: what?  
  
Snape: Harry, Ron, will you walk closer, one more time? *looks excited*  
  
Harry and Ron: *move closer*  
  
Ron: *smiles*  
  
All: Yay!  
  
Snape: You two just did a strut!  
  
All: Yay!  
  
Harry: *shrugs and goes over to Lupin*  
  
Ron: Oh wow. Now it just goes to show that we were both arrogant bastards all along!  
  
All: Yay!  
  
Lupin: *beats Harry with a stick*  
  
Me: Cut!  
  
Scene 5:  
  
Take one:   
  
The Night Bus: *grumble grumble*  
  
Harry: Oh my gosh a double decker bus!  
  
Stan: Yes you dumb shit. A double decker bus.  
  
Harry: Well you're a bundle of laughs. *scowls*  
  
Stan: Actually, it isn't a double decker bus.   
  
Harry: It's not? *looks shocked*  
  
Stan: oh no, Your having drug hallucinations! *waves hands around*  
  
Harry: I am?   
  
Stan: Yes! Drug hallucinations!  
  
Harry: Drug hallucinations?  
  
Stan: Drug hallucinations!   
  
Harry: I never knew! *eyes widen*  
  
Stan: And all this magic stuff! It's all in your mind. *makes loco finger twirl*  
  
Harry: wow. And to think, I actually thought I was special!  
  
Stan: Oh but you are special! See? that's your bus over there! *points to the little yellow bus*  
  
Harry: Wow.  
  
Alphonso: Hey. this isn't right!  
  
Stan: Yes, but doesn't it seem more dramatic this way?  
  
All: *nod*  
  
Harry: *sobs* My own little bus!   
  
Me: *drives the bus away, laughing madly*  
  
Harry: *runs after his bus* *falls*  
  
Me: haha! Cut! *runs over the fallen Harry*  
  
All: Yay!  
  
Take two:  
  
Me: action! *stirs potion*  
  
Harry: *falls over*  
  
Bus: *grumble poo*  
  
Sirius: bark! bark!  
  
Stan: Oy! No dogs aloud on the Night Bus!  
  
Harry: he's no dog, I mean, he's not my dog!  
  
Alphonso: *whispers* smooth!  
  
Harry: He's a nice dog, yes, snuffles! *pats dog*  
  
Sirius: *tries to eat my potion*  
  
Alphonso: No! I mean, *whispers* Not that name, bad name!  
  
Harry: Oh dear. Um, well Sirius isn't my dog you see..  
  
Me: *throws the ladle at Sirius*  
  
Alphonso: No! You nincompoop!  
  
Stan: man, you are slow.  
  
Harry: Hey! I resent that! Half of these people have already read this book, so they know that Sirius is innocent anyways!  
  
All: what?  
  
Man in the theater: I never knew!  
  
Women in the theater: Nor did I! What a disappointment!  
  
Women, um, man, um, person in the theater: *throws a jar of mayo at Harry*  
  
Me: *Laughs and rolls on the floor*  
  
Sirius: *drinks my potion* *then gags*  
  
Man in the theater: HOLY CRAP!  
  
Me: oh dear.  
  
Sirius: *makes popping noises*  
  
Snape: I shall help!  
  
Harry: what the hell are you doing here?  
  
Snape: *stops in his tracks* *eyes widen* Im everywhere.  
  
Sirius: *coughs*  
  
Harry: That maybe, the most repugnant thing I've ever heard.  
  
Alphonso: You obviously never seen any of my former movies.  
  
Sirius: *turns into a woman*  
  
Snape: ahh!! Head for the hills! Hit the deck! Take cover!!!  
  
Me: Nice affect!   
  
Harry: hey, he's, I mean, she's kind of cute!  
  
Alphonso: so..ever do rated R movies?  
  
Sirius: *giggles*  
  
Me: ahh!! Head for the hills! Hit the deck! Take cover!!!  
  
Cut! ahh!  
  
(a/n. Yes, I am making fun of Alphonso and yes the fact Snape ran away is highly relevant.)  
  
Scene whatever, I can't count.  
  
Take one:   
  
Me: Cut! phooey, I mean action!  
  
Snape: *smacks Harry over the head with a clip board*  
  
Harry: ouch! abuse!  
  
Snape: Where is your quill Potter?  
  
Harry: I..I uh.. I have a pencil! *pulls out a pencil with little flowers on it*  
  
Snape: what the hells a pencil?  
  
Harry: *dodges clip board* It works see? *writes "I like men" on parchment*  
  
Snape: what is this? Such magic is over-powering! *flaps hands*  
  
Hermione: You don't get out much do you?  
  
Snape: *looks down at chains around his ankles* The institution doesn't think I'm fit enough to use my legs for anything.  
  
Harry: why..  
  
Snape: Classified reasons. *holds up pencil*  
  
All: WOW!  
  
Snape: We must have more of these! Were do you buy them, Harry Potter with a tiny r over your name?  
  
Harry: Uh..A grocery store?  
  
Snape: Ralphs!  
  
All: Ralphs!  
  
Harry: Wait! Stop!  
  
Hermione: I hope they don't get into trouble.  
  
Harry: *wipes eyes* they may not come back.  
  
Hermione: Why on earth? *looks flabbergasted*  
  
Harry: They're on strike.  
  
Hermione: *gasps*  
  
( At Ralphs)  
  
Snape: *walks up to the doors*  
  
Striker: You better beat it man, were strike! *talks in a threatening Mexican voice*  
  
Snape: Well, you miscreant, I have the right to shop at any grocery store I want!   
  
Striker: If you go in that store, *whispers*   
  
Another striker: I will come into your house,  
  
Other Striker: And cut you.  
  
All: *gasp*  
  
Snape: Is that a threat sir? *holds head up*  
  
Mexican Striker: Oh yeah, that's a threat! *things get tense*  
  
Snape: I declare war!   
  
Strikers: *bring out machine gun*  
  
Alphonso: *cackles madly*  
  
Strikers: *fire guns on Snape's class*  
  
All: ahhh!  
  
Alphonso: HA!  
  
Snape: *gets shot with a paint ball gun* *runs away screaming*  
  
Striker: say hello to my little friend!  
  
All: HA!  
  
Snape: Hello!  
  
Alphonso: *rolls on the ground*  
  
Some homeless guy: *sneaks through the battle and plugs in his stereo*  
  
Snape: I said HI! *gets shot again*  
  
Alphonso: uh oh! Take cover!  
  
All: ahh!  
  
Strikers: Stupid cocka-roaches!   
  
Homeless guy: *plays the Mexican hat dance song*  
  
All: ahh! *war continues*  
  
Homeless guy: *still dancing*  
  
Snape: I want my mom!  
  
Alphonso: I need to get back to sex-driven, crazy french films. *sobs*  
  
All: *sob behind cars as gunfire rings out*  
  
Snape: WE JUST WANTED SOME GOD DAMN PENCILS!  
  
Striker guy: You did? OH!  
  
All strikers: *drop weapons*  
  
Striker: Man, you can just go to target for pencils you know! Holy Toledo!  
  
All: *sigh*  
  
(Later)  
  
All: *shopping at Target*  
  
Homeless guy: Let go to K-mart! Blue light special!  
  
Snape: ooooh! *gets excited* *buys rip off Gucci purse*  
  
Me: *sneaks off with machine guns*  
  
Harry: cut!  
  
Like I said: HALF ASSED. But you know, I did almost get in a fight with one of those strikers! And he very well could have had a gun! *looks around cautiously*  
  
Anyway, Review responses!  
  
Dimgwrthien: Glad you liked it! Part two is very nearly done!It just needs some tweaking. *pokes computer* No sneak previews though, to tell you the truth, I've been dead busy, and we've had some problems lately, but really, no biggie!p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
crazed girl: really? You love all the chapters? I mean, it certainly makes me think so when you said you and your friends love reading "this junk" I'm not offended, it is uproariously junky.p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
Mita SanStar: Exactly! No one believed me when I said Harry was a suicidal bastard! I'm soo glad someone agrees! But then again...I think that cheese can be shared through the telephone receiver. thanx for reviewing! :) p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
Crystal Tips: *hold up letter from the solicitor* *smiles evilly* Yes, I hear by state that Legolas is yours. I have no need of him, yet... Funny! Did I put that? huh! Yes, I was Harry Potter, but it was dreadfully cold, so I had to wear a jacket! I made the best of it by attaching a sign to my neck saying, "I live in A dumpster, and dance to techno on the streets. Any money?" Yes, it was funny, and yes I am nuts!   
  
oh! p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
girlwithnoname: thanks for taking the time to say "this sux" and not even in proper English either! *claps* p. s. you suck too!  
  
nkittyhawk: Yes indeedy Yay for queen! This ones a little bit more realistic and more dramatic. Ahh, I love Snape! I hope you got that quesadilla out of your nose. Dreadfully painful! You should try snorting Parmesan cheese..*sticks tongue out* lol, thanks again for your reviews, I hold them in high accord!p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
neopyro: Thanks! You sure did get a kick out of that! And, I'm still glad I insulted that one person for insulting your fic. On the whole I think he/she has stopped doing it. Yes. I love the detachable penis song, so refreshing! thanks for reviewing! smiles!p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
Jay: Nice name, if it is your real name. I like to use that in a lot of my outside fics. Anyway! thanks for reviewing, im soo happy people like it. Heck, Im soo happy I even got one review...p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
DarkButterfly324: Gracias! I like you, hate computer class! It's sooo pointless! I say all classes should be related and strictly about Harry Potter! And! reading Fanfic should be our homework! *suggests it to teacher* *send me to the institution again* p. s. read Celebony's fic!  
  
Celebony: I don't know what I'd do without you, this is a special shout out to how absolutely fantastic you are! EVERYONE MUST READ YOUR FIC, because, everyone one must know how great you are. You are a great friend to me and I appreciate it more then the guy who made cheeseburger. Thank you for sticking by me and always thinking positive! You have been assigned to my other new fic, because that one is technically better and this fic is too average for your graceful talents to touch. lol, Im soooo crazy. But that's not the pont, I hope your well and I'll drop you and e-mail pretty soon!  
  
Smiles!  
  
Phoo! Hope you liked it! I'll try and update WAY sooner! My penname will change, the tittle still stands! Hope you have a beautiful day!  
  
Oh! crazed girl! I will remember: Fudge is yummy!  
  
All: yum!!! 


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